Written by Lisa Ann
23rd October 2016
Finding myself….and it only took 42 years!
My whole life I knew there was more to life. I just couldn’t figure it out. As a little kid I would get “feelings” or “just knew” certain things. I was also a sensitive kid, always worrying about everyone and feeling I had to take care of them. I never really thought much about it and as I got older I thought less and less about it.
I’ve been very fortunate, I haven’t had a lot of loss and nothing terribly tragic happen in my life. The hardest loss for me was the passing of my grams. I felt like I lost a parent. I knew she was in a good place and was no longer suffering, but I was still so sad. I would cry myself to sleep, I would cry in the car, in the shower, any place I was alone with my thoughts of her.
She suffered from dementia for quite a few years. I had felt that she had been gone for a long time, and her physical body was just here. I used to ask God to take her. When she had passed I craved so bad one last conversation with her in her “right mind.”
Well let me tell you, I was blessed with that very thing. I had a visitation from grams. I remember it like it was yesterday. She came to me in a dream. She looked beautiful, her white hair was glowing and she wore a white gown that flowed like there was a light breeze. She held my face with her hands and spoke to me. She spoke for a bit, but I remember this part very clearly. She told me she saw the roses. We all had placed one on her coffin. I had saved one and dried it and have it in my room with a picture of her and my gramps. She said that I could see her like this now. My grandfather was standing behind me. I could not see him, but I knew he was there. He said, “Lillian it’s time to go” she gave me a big hug. We just stood there holding each other. I could feel her body, the way she felt when she was here, thin & fragile. I held on and wouldn’t let go. I woke from a sleep in that position, sobbing. I knew it was real! I knew she had been there! It was 3 am and all I wanted to do was tell someone what had just happened. I will never forget that moment because it changed my life forever.
Not long after that I had been given my grams engagement ring. My aunts knew the special bond I had with her and thought I would like it. I absolutely loved it, I loved it because it was a part of her, it never left her finger. The only problem was that my finger was a little pudgier than hers. I didn’t want to wear it on a necklace for fear of losing it and I didn’t want to make it larger because I didn’t want to change it.
One day I just made the decision to go to a jeweler & discussed my options. I no longer wanted it just sitting in my jewelry box. We decided to enlarge it. The jeweler was very empathetic and he knew how special the ring was to me. One of the hardest things I had to do was leave it there with the jeweler, I feared I may never see it again. In a few days I received the call it was ready, I went right down there! As soon as I saw the ring I started to cry. The ring was beautiful, it looked unchanged, he did a beautiful job cleaning it up! I had no idea how beautiful it the ring really was. I just thought that it was old, it didn’t matter to me what it looked like. I just appreciated it because it was hers. I decided I would wear the ring every day because grams never took it off, even when mixing her meatballs. I just felt she would want it to be worn.
As I wore the ring every day I felt different. I thought it was coincidence, but now I know differently. I had a confidence and emotional strength that I never had before. I felt her with me! I could not see her, but I just knew she was with me, pushing me along.
I would get little signs from her, a song on the radio, a bird and not just any bird. There was a bird that had stayed with me through an entire day of snowstorm. The bird would not leave until I was done shoveling and went inside.
Another sign was when I had called my mom on her first Mother’s Day without her mom, “grams”. I knew she would be missing her. As my mom picked up the phone a song came on the radio, a Michael Buble song. Grams loved Michael Buble when I would sit with her she would play his music and dance to his songs. I couldn’t even say hello to my mom. I just cried, I cried happy tears because I knew she was with both of us at that moment. Finally I was able to speak and told my mom about the song that had come on the radio. She couldn’t believe it either.
She said that I needed to talk with my cousin John and tell him about everything that’s been going on. So that’s exactly what I did! I had no idea what he was capable of. I had no idea he had been learning for over 5 yrs and had his own website #EnergyFlows and was teaching others awareness and healing and so much more. I can not even begin to tell you how much I’ve learned in such a little time by taking John’s online classes and now the group class with John and MJ on Long Island.
Yes people, I finally found myself, I found what is was that I’ve been searching for for all this time.
After putting in the work, learning to trust myself and honestly just making time for myself to finally learn who I am, I had my first “Wow Moment”! For me this was being sought out for the first time by spirit. And not just any spirit a beautiful little angel named Katelyn. My friend Robyn is a member on John’s Energy Flows website and it all started with this simple question. Here is her question…
“Can I ask a question that maybe someone here can answer for me? When you lose a child and they cross over can they ever come through to you? Meaning a baby? I was told once when they cross over they stay as that age. So I just always wondered if my daughter would ever be able to come to me because I lost her through a stillbirth full term she would’ve been 17 years old now. Thank you I was always very confused about that if anyone has some answers it would be so greatly appreciated.”
The answer is yes, absolutely and they come to us at an age where we would be able to recognize them. During this same week Robyn posted a picture of her teenage daughter who is living onto her Facebook. The picture was of Lauryn when she was probably about 3 years old. At the time I didn’t think anything of it. I “liked” her photo because I thought it was cute, she was sitting in a toilet with a big grin on her face. A couple of days later I lay in bed and closed my eyes. And there was this beautiful little girl angel. She was smiling ear to ear. She had golden brown hair, wore a pretty white dress, and had these cute little pigtails. She glowed like when you take a picture of someone looking into the sun. She was just so precious. I could feel nothing but love and peace and such a beautiful calming feeling. I didn’t want her to leave. I just took her in.
There was just one problem, I didn’t think to ask any questions of her. I see things, but I’m still working on hearing them. A few days went by and I continued to think of this beautiful little angel. Who could she be? Who does she belong to? Why did she come visit me? Then I started to put the pieces together. Robyn’s question, her photo of her living daughter. Her daughter Katelyn who had passed looked just her daughter Lauryn, the little girl in the toilet! I told Robyn what I saw and she said Lauryn as a little girl would wear her hair in tiny pigtails, just like the little girl from Monsters Inc. I knew it! I knew this little girl was Robyn’s. This was Katelyn!
The little girl from Monsters Inc., could be the caricture of her daughter Katelyn, I had no doubt. I got chills everywhere. It made Robyn so happy. She was so happy that Katelyn knew she thinks of her and that she was here and gave me that message. Even if not in words, Robyn knew by my experience that her daughter was ok, she was happy and at peace. That’s all she ever wanted to know. This was just as much a gift to me as it was for Robyn. I will never, ever forget her visit. Sweet angel Katelyn will hold a very special place in my heart.
The best part of all this is that we can all experience it. This is one soul communicating with another soul. I like to think of our physical bodies as a capsule. The day we pass it will just melt away & once that happens we will be in our purest state. All you have to do is open up your mind, give and accept lots of love. I want everyone to feel this feeling of pure love.
For me there is no better feeling than to give someone a message from a passed loved one or to feel the love and support of a loved one who is no longer here in physical form. It definitely gives me a different outlook on my life. I wish you all your very own “Wow Moment”.